We all work pretty hard during the week. Most of the time I’ll work on the weekend to, or at least, get something productive done. But sometimes… I’m just tired and I want to do not very much of anything. Last weekend was one of those weekends.
So what happens when it’s time to relax and not do much? Netflix comes on. I had finished Stranger Things (which was awesome – loving that synth based soundtrack!) the week before and it caused Netflix to start recommending some slightly different movies to me.
So, in no particular order, here are the comedy zombie / horror movies I watched last weekend, along with my scientific movie rating system:
Plot rating Is there a story, or are zombies getting their face smashed in for 90 minutes? If we are lucky, we get both!
Monster rating Terrifying, hilarious, down-right shocking? Monster rating will tell us all!
Action Car chases? Guns? Maybe a helicopter if we’re lucky.
Explosions A good movie needs at least one explosion.
Agenda Does the movie have an agenda to it? Feminist propaganda? Philosophical self loathing?
Marketing Was the way the movie was advertised in line with the film?
Day of the Dead – Bloodline (2018)
Zombies have over run the world. The scene is an old military bunker with a few remnants of humanity left. The bunker has a few military, medical doctors and civilians. The main characters are a doctor, her pretty boy lover (who despite the end of the world seems to find 2 hours a day to trim his facial stubble with laser precision); the base commander (pretty boy’s brother) who has a god complex, and the doctors stalker.
Yeah. It’s a bit weird.
The story starts off with the doctor in a pre-zombie world, where we get introduced to her stalker. The guy is a total creep. Then, zombies take over she somehow ends up on the military base where we meet pretty boy and the commander. For tenuous reasons she has to go back to the old facility she worked at for medicine.
The last part of the movie has a slightly messed up plot twist.
A bit of thought went into the plot twist on this one, even if it is a bit messed up. The actions taken by the characters are consistent with how the characters are portrayed. There is a happy ending (not in the thai massage sense) too, which I always like in a movie. Plot: 6/10.
Special effects have come a long way and most modern movies, even with a low budget, can have pretty good effects. They did a good job on the zombies in this one. Monsters: 8/10.
Plus points: A bunch of zombies get shot. They drive around in some Humvees. The zombies play a few clever tricks.
Minus points: A woman almost gets raped, twice.
Action: 5/10. The almost rape scenes are totally unnecessary.
Not enough. Come on guys. Explosions: 0/10
The main male characters in this movie are:
- god complex retards
- effeminate pretty boys
- stalkers / rapists
I think someone in the writing department has been buying into the identity politics BS that is destroying western society.
Agenda: Goto hell
The tag line for this movie was “Join the undying war”. It sets up expectations for a World War Z style movie, air strikes, as mankind mounts a last resistance against the undying hordes. “Watch out for a zombie rapist trying to stick it in you while we try and discredit masculinity” would have been more accurate.
At the end of the day, all these movies are pretty dumb. It was entertaining at least. Out of the four movies, I would stick this at the end of the list.
Return of the Living Dead (1985)
Sequel to the movie Night of the Living Dead, this is a masterpiece in the comedy horror genre. The plot follows on (sort of) from the previous movie.
The movie starts with Freddy getting a new job at a warehouse. While he is being shown the ropes, his friends (a bunch of miscreant punks) drive over to pick him up to get drunk and party.
Somehow, some military barrels containing frozen zombies were accidentally delivered to the warehouse. When Fredy is shown the barrels, through a series of stupid mistakes, a zombie escapes and before you know it, the town is being over run with zombies.
Apparently this was the first zombie movie to have the zombies specifically go for brains, rather than just eating their victims.
The writers put some thought into the mechanics of how people turn into zombies with this movie and managed to avoid contradictions, keeping the story consistent with itself. Well thought out. Plot: 8/10.
Fudging hilarious. “Braiiiiiins” how can you not love the zombies in this? The old school effects add to how awesome it is. Monsters: 8/10.
No guns in this one, but we get a cool old school car and a crematorium. And for some reason a female character spends half the movie running around naked. What a shame. 7/10.
No explosions, but the crematorium gets an honourable mention. 4/10.
“Punks are stupid and we all love boobs”. Agenda rating: Perfect zombie comedy horror.
“They’re back form the grave and ready to party” I think they were on the money with this.
Comedy horror must watch. The sound track is really fun too, great movie. I think this was my favourite from the four.
Humanoids From The Deep
Well what is there to say about this one. Set in a small fishing village, a bunch of fish get covered in chemicals, evolve, and feel the primal urge to have sex with all the hot teenage girls.
I’m not sure why, but there is a racist sub plot in this… overall, this movie has close to no plot at all. 3/10.
“Hey Fred, can you wear some plastic seaweed for my movie?” 2/10
Pretty good! We get some boats, a few fist fights and, for some inexplicable reason, some girls get naked while plastic-seaweed-Fred rolls around on them. Some good comedy gore too.
Pretty good for this movie! At the end everything is on fire and a few things blow up. 6/10
“Oooh evil corporations!”. Possibly written by socialists that love boobs. Not sure.
“They’re not human. But they hunt human women. Not for killing. For mating.” They were pretty upfront about this. I’m surprised someone hasn’t made a full on porno about it.
Have this towards the end of your B Movie list just in case something else comes along. It was remade in 1996 – the trailer on YouTube looks… well it’s the same movie but with worse acting.
I quite enjoyed this. They had a pretty original plot for a zombie movie. This is set after a zombie apocalypse. There is an island where the last zombies have been quarantined… and you can go hunt them for fun.
But of course… something goes wrong, the zombies are released and most of the cast get eaten. Let’s see how it scores!
Original ideas and an awesome, well thought out twist towards the end. The story line is engaging and doesn’t rely on boobs to be entertaining.
Some of the characters are hilariously annoying, which I think was done on purpose to make seeing them get picked off by the zombies more amusing.
You’ll know exactly who I mean when you watch the movie. Plot: 8/10
Grade A zombies. But who is the real monster in this movie… ?
Big cars, giant bunkers, loads of guns – plenty of action. 8/10
An acceptable amount of explosions. But there was space for more. 6/10
Again, we see a bit of “evil corporations” in this movie. We also see an activist group who champion “zombie rights” in the plot. I think this correctly mocks the abuse of rights that we see in the real world. If you want to learn what rights really are, where they come from, and why they should be important to you; check out The Virtue of Selfishness by Ayn Rand. At least, I hope they were mocking misuses of rights rather than trying to make some sort of retarded point.
“A vacation to die for” Yeah that’s pretty on the money – most of the cast get eaten. The cover image for the movie is pretty misleading – that scene doesn’t happen.
Pretty enjoyable, good plot, amusing plot twists. My second favourite from the four.
So there you have it, 4 movies recommendations and a bonus book recommendation.
Is there a movie you think should be on here?? Comment and I’ll add it on!